Celebrity News

Here is apicture released by X17Online this weekend showing Lindsay Lohan about o shoot up smack. I dunno who would actually want to be pictured doing such a thing but I am sure Lindsay thought it would make her look cool. And look at where the bitch is now. In rehab and waiting to go to jail. Oh and that $300k wasn't easy to scrounge up when you haven't worked in years. I am sure she owes someone a nice wet blowjob.

This is a photo of Hayden Panettiere at Oktoberfest. I haven't really heard all that much from Hayden since they cancelled Heroes but whenever she is in the news it is a good thing. I could analyze the fact that she has a beer in her hand and she is not yet 21 years old but I am more captivated with that awesome cleavage staring back at me. I mean this shit doesn't get any better. I am in a trance.

LOLOLOLOL. As all of us have known for weeks is that Lindsay Lohan was going to go back to jail for a violation of her probation. The violation was testing positive for cocaine and because the LA DA is so fucked up, they didn't charge her for testing positive for Adderall. Anyway, TMZ speculated yesterday that Lindsay would get bail because the violation of probation was a misdemeanor and she would be booked, make bail and then be released within hours of her arrest. And then even if she was convicted in court over a month later, she would be booked and then released because of "overcrowding" (a.k.a. the bitch is famous).Anyway, in a surprise decision by judge Eldin Fox, LiLo was denied bail and was taken into custody and will remain there until October 22. LMAO. Michael Lohan had some shit to say to the press as he always does but the audio/video was all kinds of fucked up so I missed about half of what he said but I think he was high because he was kind of going off on a rant. In case you didn't know, I am totally team Michael. He is the only sane person in the Lohan family and needs to step up his game to get through to his daughter. LiLo basically hates his guts because he is serious all the time and that shit is a buzzkill. Once she gets sober, she may want to have something to do with him but I am still unsure on that. I will update this post when more shit goes down but that is about all of Friday's morning tabloids wrapped up in a neat little package.

TMZ just got word from the Los Angeles probation department that they want Lindsay Lohan to do some time behind bars. I want her to do some time behind bars and since the recommendation is 30 days in the clink for each failed drug test, I say 60 days. Anyway, the D.A. is staying out of the situation which is irrelevant and I could care less what the D.A. wants because it isn't like this cunt is looking at a felony. Anyway, Friday is going to be a very good day. Also, she may end up sitting in jail for a little while just waiting for the judge to grant her a hearing. So come Friday, she could show up at jail and be incarcerated for God knows how long before she even sets foot in a courtroom. I will keep ya updated.

Almost immediately after getting off the hook for possession of cocaine, now because it was such a small amount but because she was Paris Hilton, she hoped on a private jet and went to Japan to whore her hand bags or perfume or some shit. As soon as she landed, she was detained and Japan basically said they didn't want to have anything to do with her because she is a cokehead. This has to be embarassing for Paris but it is even funnier when you follow Paris on Twitter (@ParisHilton) and see when she tweets about how excited she is to go to Japan and then a few hours later there are reports that she is being detained by their government.

OK as you know, since I reported it on my blog the other day, Ashton Kutcher is a cheating cheater who wants to have nothing to do with his ancient dinosaur wife Demi Moore. He is secretly banging a 21-year-old behind her back and now said 21-year-old has text messages that he sent her according to Star. Star magazine has been kind of extreme lately and I am not sure I believe what I am reading but if this text message is true then Star will get A LOT of credibility amongst tabloids and entertainment blogs.

It is being reported now by TMZ that Lindsay Lohan has a bench warrant out for her arrest. It is being held until 8:30 am on Friday which means...I dunno. I guess it means it will not go into effect until then or they are trying to arrest ASAP and get her in court before then. I love weeks like this. When Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are battling it out for over partied headlines. It is good stuff. Also, the other drug test she failed was for amphetamines. That report just coming out within the past few minutes as well. We all know she was addict to and prescribed Adderall which is a very strong amphetamine but I don't know if she had connections for that on the street. So it might be meth. Still not sure. That report will come out soon enough too. I hope Lindsay turns herself in now and gets her 60 days in the clink over and done with. AND NO OVER CROWDING!

Paris Hilton had to go to court today because of her cocaine arrest back in August. She only had .8 grams of blow in HER purse but since she is famous she only got a year probation instead of the minimum year in jail that the charge carries. Oh yea and that whole felony thing? That got sidetracked too. This basically means that Paris has to be Ms.Clean 24/7 otherwise she will get a year in the clink without a second thought. I doubt Paris can keep her nose clean (literally) for all that time but we will see where this goes. In the meantime the tabloids will be buzzing like crazy over how long LiLo will go behind bars. I will update this blog when more news comes out. As of yet, there is no LiLo court date set. I am hoping to have one by the end of the day.

Karissa Shannon was that chick who claimed to have made a sex tape with Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag and I would love to see that vid but the next best thing is to see a sex tape of Karissa Shannon having sex with...whomever. Anyway, this bitch is slammin' and I am looking forward to see more of her. Literally. Vivid Entertainment will probably release it some time next month cause usually these things come out pretty quick. Looking forward.

Kim Kardashian was dating some douchebag and they broke up blah,blah. The important news is that she is single again and that means there is really nothing stopping her from Tweeting bikini pics of herself. She could be a real attention whore and Tweet naked pics of herself but I doubt she will do that because she is already pissed that Playboy released a few older nude pics of her. Anyway, I could use this opportunity to buy a plane ticket to California and try to get on that shit myself but she is way to botoxy and superficialy for me. Besides I like my girls with a tight, firm butt. Not a 65 inch monstrosity that only makes me think of big poop.

Lindsay Lohan hasn't really had any work in a long time now. That is obvious. She every now and then is in a magazine for some Godawful reason. I have yet to find someone who has two balls and a penis who likes to actually date girls say that they would wanna hook up with Lindsay Lohan. These magazine covers are a product of overly gay men wanted to sell issues. And by overly gay I mean a guy that is so gay they can't even tell LiLo is a mess and is the poster child for ugliness. Anyway, now she is fucked cause as you read on this blog last Friday, LiLo is going back to jail. I am almost 100% sure that that role in Inferno will go to hell. And no one gives a shit about Machete because all the good nude scenes have already leaked onto the internet. Like I said before, I just hope this overcrowding thing doesn't fuck up her clink time.

TMZ has just learned that Lindsay Lohan pissed positive for one of her probation mandatory drug tests. This carries a penalty of 30 days in jail and I am pretty sure she will not get out early from "overcrowding". Her lawyer sucks balls so you know Shawn Chapman Holly will not get her out of this. LiLo is stating she didn't fail cause she is a fucked up cunt who is in denial but TMZ is saying their evidence is air tight. No court date has been set and I will update this post when more details come out. ::points and laughs @ LiLo::

Emma Stone may be hosting SNL in October and even though I think she is hot, I will not tune in. The show sucks. She is super cute in a pre-party LiLo sort of way. If this chick starts making the rounds in tabloids and starts to become an attention whore, I will like her a lot less real quick. I think doing SNL is a waste of time because people forget about the host as soon as they pass out on the couch after the show is over. So if this is an attempt to promote her movie Easy A, then she is wasting her time.

All summer long we have been hearing about how Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are going to get a divorce. And if those rumors were not tearing up the headlines, it was that a sex tape was about to be released. Turns out that both reports are total bullshit. Speidi have been bunking together in a rental home in Malibu all summer long. They duped us. I don't care really though cause I wouldn't trade anything in the world to be anything like these two douche bags. They are pretty low. Oh yea, and they trashed the house and the owners are pissed. Will they pay them back? No. I seriously doubt they can afford that.

Nadya Suleman (who is lucky I am referring to her by her name instead of Octomom) is going to be on welfare soon. A while back when she had just given birth to her eight children she said she would never go on welfare but the reality show she was set to star in fell through the cracks and now she is out of money. She isn't completely broke yet but will be very soon. Just by looking at this picture, I gotta say, I would hit it. chick has a slammin' body and a pretty cute face. I sure as fuck wouldn't want to pay alimony or be with her for an extended period of time but if she let me hit it and quit it, I'd be down.

The other day while in Paris Kim Kardashian and her mother bought $100k worth of purses. If I had that kind of money to throw around you all know I would be hitting up the whore houses left and right trying to catch as many STDs that could be caught in under a 24 hour period but some people have different priorities. Of course in poor people speak $100k in purses means over 100 purses but these little sluts bought seven. Starving children in Malaysia? Ha! Tough luck. I need a new bag to carry around my blackberry and lipstick in.

OK I don't remember the last time Jessica Simpson has released a song and she is pretty much the poster child for people who try to stay relevant on a regular basis by releasing perfumes and clothing lines and all kinds of other horse shit. If she wanted to be seen why not start a charity or something? Oh that's right, because Jessica Simpson could give a flying fuck less about anyone other than Jessica Simpson. I hope males across this country and the world for that matter realize that this prude ass chick is never going to get naked for any reason and that we are all hopeless suckers for giving her attention and hoping she would do so. I am over her, I wish the public would be too.

Ashton Kutcher is being accused yet again by Star magazine that he is cheating. This time they have a chick who came forward and is claiming that she had an affair with @aplusk. Demi is GOD AWFUL ugly and has an ass that could crack walnuts so I do not blame him for cheating. I think I said that when Ashton hooked up with another girl but it had to be said again. As for the chick who came forward? Totally fuckable. Just sayin'.

Kate Gosselin has been doing some jogging and thinks that her ugly ass deserves to be on the cover of People magazine simply because she isn't an out of shape freak. As you all know I would fuck her but only for fun. Not for sexual pleasure. And by the looks of this pic, I would say she had implants. I am actually surprised more tabloids aren't speculating about this picture. Anyway, don't go out and buy the magazine because she won't instantly reveal in the interview that she all of a sudden has some sort of talent. Trust me, she doesn't.

It seems that American Idol does have one good thing going for it next season, they just nabbed Jennifer Lopez as one of their judges. The show still sucks and it will sink in ratings without Simon but at least there will finally be a judge on the show that I would actually LIKE to have sex with. All those other sluts weren't even worth looking at let alone having sex with. Anyway, unless the producers make an announcement that J.Lo will show off her bare ass on top of the judges table and bump and grind Randy, I won't tune in.

I usually do not report on celebrities when they get pregnant. Not necessarily because I do not care but because pregnancy ruins the female form and that is a negative thing and I like to keep things cheery here on Notorious News. Anyway, she did enough nude scenes in the past and showed off just about everything there was to show off and she look(ed) really good. Who knows if she will be one of those celebs who shit out a little one and then hit the gym and then make the cover of tabloid magazines stating that "She Got The Body Back" or if she becomes one of those celebs who realize that they are millionaires and truly give a fuck less about their bodies and just let themselves go. I don't know which one Penelope will be. I guess we will have to wait and find out. Celebrities can be so dramatic.

Here is Kim Kardashian getting botox injections because she is Hollywood royalty trash like that. It looks pretty painful and from now on for the rest of her life people will not be able to tell whether she is surprised or not. Not my kind of thing.

In a recent interview with CNN Angelina Jolie admits she doesn't have a lot of friends. She says when she is overseas she basically just talks to Brad Pitt and the kids and that is it. I can understand why she doesn't have a lot of friends. I mean what is likeable about Angelina Jolie? She has a killer body and is extremely attractive so I could see how she has a boyfriend but I don't see why anyone who isn't doing something on a Friday night would wanna hang with Angelina and change diapers and talk about starving babies in Pakistan. That is shit greedy Americans like myself could give two shits about.

Julia Roberts has always been one of the most beautiful women in the world but she has never really been known to have a big bust or show off a lot of cleavage. Actually it took a lot of convincing for her to do the bikini scene in Charlie Wilson's War. But now it seems that she has been in a bikini a lot because I have seen new bikini pics several times a week for the past month. Just suckin' the juice out of the last bits of summer. Anyway, here is a comparison shot from Star magazine debating whether or not she got breast implants. I gotta say that I see a major difference in the before and after pic. This is too big of an improvement to simply be a push up bra. Anyway, chick needs to focus on her abs and not worry about her bust because the first pic looks like she is getting a little bit of a belly. Anyway, I'd hit it six ways a Sunday regardless.

Lindsay Lohan hasn't been in the press, or at least doing interviews since she went to the clink and then quickly to rehab. I am sure she is waiting for a fat paycheck for her first post jail interview as if the bitch actually had something to say. She may go on Oprah but they will not pay her for an interview so she will probably forgo a credible interviewer to discuss the dangers of drinking and driving and drug abuse and just go to the first tabloid who will give her a cool mil for "photos". I could give a shit less because all this girl is good at doing is fucking up perfectly good movies and being chased by the paparazzi. I have no idea why people are obsessed with her but I personally am sick and tired of hearing about interview "possibilities" and I wish this chick would just sit down and do one already and get it over with.

Britney Spears and friends are striking back against the body guard who says Britney sexually harassed him. Well, not a lot of friends. Just a few people who are on the Britney payroll. K-Fed is one of those people ($22k in alimony a month DAYUM!) He thinks the charges against Spears is bullshit and instead of being a man and coming out to the tabloids and stating that himself he let his attorney do all the talking. At the end of the day, I think K-Fed is speaking out because he still wants in Britney's all too tight and skid marked panties. We will see where this lawsuit goes but if all the stuff that the body guard is claiming is false then he may have just dug himself a six foot deep hole and set himself up for a counter lawsuit.

Hey freak-a-leeks! I am not all that big into tv but when I do watch, I always come across MTV and see what's on. I ALWAYS watch the MTV VMAs and sometimes I live blog it, sometimes I don't. This year I will not but I just found out that Earsucker.com will be liveblogging it so be sure to head over there and peep out their blog for all the red carpet news. Here is to hoping some hotties come out for the event! Peace!

According to court papers filed today in L.A., some dude named Fernando Flores, a body guard of Britney Spears, experienced multiple sexual come-ons from Britney Spears while he was working for her. Incidents including her bending over in a see through night gown and her summoning him to her room while she was completely naked and basically offering sex. Am I supposed to feel sorry for him. There was a time in my life (not anymore) that I would have jumped on that shit in a heartbeat. I don't blame him for not taking her up on her offer because through mid intercourse she would probably strike up a conversation with the voices in her head. The court papers also said that she beats her kids and poisons them and shit but that was minimal in the story.

According to TMZ the Karissa Shannon sex tape that Spencer Pratt was trying to sell to Vivid actually does exist even if the Speidi sex tape does not. The head dude over at Vivid, Steve Hirsch, isn't saying where the sex tape came from but it stars Karissa and some other fucker from some tv show or some shit. I love celebrity sex tapes and they are even better when they star celebrities that are actually hot. Also, no clips yet. Which isn't surprising because clips are usually not released through Vivid unless there is a good shot of it actually going to market. I will keep my eyes open though.

It seems that Paris Hilton is in no mood to deal with her legal troubles so she has taken it upon herself to do a reality show again. I REALLY miss The Simple Life but instead of having a cool and hot co-star like Nicole Richie, she is going to stand beside the coked out freak Brooke Mueller on the new show. Of course everything is in talks and this may never happen but it would be pretty cool... while it lasts. Paris is facing serious jail time and unless she ditches that "it wasn't my purse" defense and comes up with a decent excuse, she is going in the clink. I will keep tabs on this story and update the blog if anything happens. I doubt it will.

Star magazine is reporting in their next issue that some floozy is banging Brad Pitt on a private jet while Angelina Jolie is off saving the world or something. Star already had a report that Ashton Kutcher was making out with some hottie while his butt ugly wife was sitting at home with the kids. I totally believe the Ashton story because I wouldn't fuck Demi Moore with a stolen dick. I also believe the Brad Pitt story by the way because you know that smug motherfucker wants some fresh tail after hitting Angelina's bony ass for that past several years. Star is starting to turn into a real tabloid again. Reporting possibly false but very believable stories. I wish I had "anonymous sources" and fuckers blowing up my e-mail box with tips and what not but I have to make due with what I have. Now I just need this cunt who jumped Brad Pitts bones to come to me for an "exclusive" interview. Oh yea, and so I can break my dick off in her ass. That too.

Spencer Pratt was having negotiations with Steve Hirsch the owner of Vivid Entertainment about possibly putting out a sex tape starring him, Heidi Montag and some Playmate chick Karissa Shannon. As soon as Hirsch said he wanted to see the tape before continuing negotiations Spencer backed out. Now this Karissa girl wants the tape or she is going to sue Spencer. At the time Spencer can't even afford shaving cream so I doubt that he will be able to pay whatever is ordered from him in the courts so I guess this chick will end up getting the tape, or a copy, back. I hope this chick turns around and sells it to Hirsch herself.

Michaele Salahi is that bitch who crashed the White House party probably over a year ago and she was on some Housewives show but now she thinks she will stay in the public eye by showing her vajayjay and she is right. She is pretty good looking so I wouldn't mind seeing her naked but I would hate for her to become a permanent fixture in the tabloids world because her name is hard to spell and other than reality tv and eluding secret service, this bitch truly has no talents.

Paris Hilton is in Maui for some strange reason but she is probably just trying to get the fuck away from the paparazzi (good luck) who keep bugging her about her cocaine arrest. Personally, I think Paris should head over to Europe and have a good time while she is there because once she is a convicted felon, even if she only spends 2 days in the slammer, she will not be able to get a passport. And she has pretty much been blacklisted from appearing at any clubs in Las Vegas in the near future. Could you imagine a domestic limited Paris? It would be something else. Anyway, she is waving at the camera. Wave and say hi! Or bye that is.

Recently Kat Von D and Jesse James attended a red carpet event last night and when questioned by reporters they basically said they were in love. I LOVE Kat Von D and think she has pretty cool tastes in men as she dated my idol Nikki Sixx for quite some time. I am not all that big of a fan of Jesse James because he is a gear head motorcycle type and I have never been in to that shit. I can overlook his little sig heil pictures session because we all make mistakes. And if you are wondering which is the better piece of ass, Kat Von D or Sandra Bullock, Kat Von D wins by a landslide.