Celebrity News

Michelle Obama got the distinct honor of being on the cover of O magazine.
In Oprah's mind this is a much higher honor than being the first lady. In the
mag she talks about how she works out 5 days a week and Barack works out
6 days a week calling him a work out zealot. He has to be in shape if he is
gonna tap that on a nightly basis. She also said that she is not planning on
getting pregnant ever again. I don't blame her. Why would she waste Barack's
time with a knee high ankle biting shit machine when he has a country to run?
Maybe because she is selfish, but she said no so I digress. I am just curious
as to how many condoms they go through in a week. If I were married to
Michelle Obama I would put the economy ont he back burner and focus
all of my attention on banging Michelle's skinny bones on a regular schedule.
I pronounce schedule ske-joo-ul not she-jool which is wrong.
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Michael Vick is still in the clink, but he is already planning to pen a memoir
when he gets out. More than likely to gather up sympathy for his situation.
The NFL has actually talked about letting this monster play again in the NFL.
Here is a pic of Michael Vick with a cute little puppy that after this picture was
taken, immediately trained to kill or be killed. How cute. I am not saying that
I won't read the book. I more than likely will. I even read O.J. Simpson's If
I Did It, which was one of the best books I have read of all time. When asked
if Michael Vick was going to get a dog after getting out of jail he said, "Hell yea
I am gonna train that motherfucker to kill...oh...um... I mean I am going to
teach it to fetch my slippers and bring me the paper."
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Megan Fox wears short shorts.
[ The Blemish ]

Paris Hilton and her beau go into a fight in
Miami.
[ Celebrity Dirty Laundry ]

Holly Madison fucked up her ribs.
[ Fatback Media ]

Rihanna has a bunch of little stupid tattoos.
[ City Rag ]

Ashton Kutcher gets his chest waxed.
[ Seriously? OMG! WTF? ]

Andy Roddick scratches his balls.
[ popbytes ]

Rihanna is the worlds biggest attention
whore.
[ Geno's World ]

Cute college girl of the day.
[ College Humor ]

Miley Cyrus is on the cover of Billboard
magazine.
[ Daily Stab ]

It has been confirmed that Madonna is going to adopt a 3 year old girl from
Malawi. Her name is Mercy James. I feel very very sorry for this girl. But
not as bad as I feel for the genetic kids of Madonna. They have those awful
witch arms in their future. Penstone Kilembe, the director of child welfare
services says, " The adoption is going ahead. It has been at an advanced
stage for some time." I guess Madonna's people didn't want to tell the public
that she will be buying/kidnapping another kid until everything was official.
How sneaky.
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Lindsay Lohan was in a movie that finished filming last August. She hasn't been in
any films since then. The movie is coming out and is called Labor Pains but it will
not go to the big screen. Instead it will be a movie released directly to ABC Family
and will be premiered this July. After that it will go straight to dvd a month later.
This is pretty sad. But hey, Lohan is on tv, that is an original. So watch for Lohan
to blow up the small screen and get terrible reviews by everyone including me.
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Lindsay Lohan wants you to believe she
is serious about her acting career.
[ The Blemish ]

Jennifer Aniston swears off marriage, may
become a lesbian.
[ Fatback Media ]

Tres Kardashians.
[ Celebrity Puke ]

J-Love bikini pictures are good.
[ Egotastic ]

Little kids flipping the bird.
[ City Rag ]

Brad Pitt won't be getting any pussy
anytime soon.
[ popbytes ]

Valerie Bertinelli. I don't know who
she is but she has a hot bikini body.
[ Geno's World ]

American Idol is having is annual shit
music special next week.
[ Seriously? OMG! WTF? ]

Amy Poehler will never be sexually
attractive.
[ Daily Stab ]

I fuckin' love this site.
[ 100 Ways To Kill A Peep ]

Ever wonder what Twilight would be like
if you never read the books?
[ Buddy TV ]

David Letterman marrie dprobably one of the ugliest women in America. But
since he is one of the ugliest guys in America, that is ok. He actually made a
pretty funny top 10 list as to why he married the woman he married. It goes
as follows...

10. Poconos offers newlyweds free room with champagne-glass Jacuzzi.
9. If I'm gonna catch Larry King, I'd better get going.
8. Still drunk from St. Patty's, dude!
7. She needed a green card.
6. When you're my age and look like I do, if someone says they'll marry you, you do it.
5. Don't have to listen to any more crap from that quack Dr. Phil.
4. I finally fit into my dream dress!
3. Free cake
2. Got tired of waiting for Paris Hilton.
1. Figured at the least we'd get a mediocre Top Ten out of it.

So there you have it. At the very least I hope she gold digs his ass for everything
he is worth.
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Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have split, again. The on-again, off-again
couple are off-again this time because John Mayer has an obsession with
twitter. Who doesn't? Twitter is the fucking bomb! Did you see that pic of
Demi Moore's ass? Twitter fucking rocks! Apparently this time is was Aniston
who broke up with Mayer. A source close to the couple said, "He took the
break-up like a man." Probably because he knows her sorry ass will come
crawling back in two weeks begging for sex. Be coy with her John. Let her
think she has you back in her good graces and then start twittering about
your sex life. If she loves you she will let it slide. Otherwise, dump her old
ass and get it on with some groupies. That is what you should have been
doing all along. What is wrong with you?
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Amy Winehouse has spent a lot of time in St.Lucia. Maybe too much time.
In the Carribean and other places you hear a lot of Reggae music and it
apparently inspired Amy to write a bunch of reggae songs for her new cd.
But the record label is having none of it. They sent her sorry drunken ass
back to the drawing board. I could actually care less that Amy Winehouse
can't write music anymore. I am proud to say that I have never, not once,
heard a song by Amy Winehouse. I just like it when celebrity trainwrecks
lose even more respect in the world. Let's face it, this girl will never die
with dignity. But she might die soon. Just sayin'.
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It is no secret that Lindsay Lohan has been out of work for some time now. Her
main source of income comes from Samantha Ronson, and Samantha is getting
more and more gigs when she promises Lohan will party at their clubs while she
deejay's. The last movie LiLo did was I Know Who Killed Me in 2007. It is hard
to imagine that LiLo has been out of work for over a year. I hope she gets an acting
job soon because I love her and want to see her back on the big screen. She is
currently in talks with Sean Penn among other people trying to put together a
movie. Seth Rogen may be in her next flcik but he is not returning Lohan's calls.
Where the fuck does Seth Rogen get the balls to blow off Lindsay Lohan? He is
only so funny. I am sure that scared little bitch won't step out the 40 Year Old
Virgin, Knocked Up and Zac And Miri Make A Porno clique because his acting
career with sink without trace.
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Britney Spears has had a pretty full life but she has decided, for the time being,
that she will not put that life on paper. Despite having a lot of money being offered
for a tell all book, she has said no. The offers she was getting were in the $3 million
range and she was expecing more like $8 million. What a greedy whore. Does she
really think the public will actually learn anything from this book? Her entire life
has been documented by the paparazzi and the results are boring. Mochaccino,
cheetos, kids, umbrella. Pretty self explanitory. Not only that but her mother
Lynn Spears has already capitalized and exploited her daughters fame in a book
of her own that talks about the early years of Britney. So will we see a "cool" book
put out by Britney? No.
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Nadya Suleman a.k.a. Octomom brought home two fo her eight babies yesterday
and the scene outside the hospital was chaotic. " This is a happy moment for every-
one- the family, physicians nurses and the entire NICU staff," said Dr.Gupta the
neonatologist at Kaiser Permanente Bellflower Medical Center. The paprazzi are
happy as well. I am surprised that Octomom wasn't a little more media savvy
about this whole thing. Couldn't she have kept the kids under a blanket and then
SOLD the pictures of the babies in the nursery? Or did she do that? A very smart
old woman that Octomom is. Basically, Octomom will not be going anywhere. She
is a worldwide celebrity and unless she is photographed smoking out of a bong,
then the public will continue to love her. Well not her. Her story. People are bitch-
ing that she is getting food stamps but then the same people bitch that she is selling
baby photos. So what is it? Do you want her to be rich or poor? Or should she just
put the octuplets up for adoption. Considering that she has 14 children altogether
then maybe that is not the worst idea.
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Shauna Sand is fashionable.
[ The Blemish ]

Lindsay Lohan ahs a warrant out
for her arrest.
[ Fatback Media ]

LiLo and SamRo are swamped!
[ Celebrity Puke ]

Nobody wants to see this.
[ Egotastic ]

Lady Gaga dominates L.A.
[ popbytes ]

Lauren Hildebrandt has a new video.
[ Geno's world ]

Watch The Big Bang Theory tonight.
[ Seriously? OMG! WTF? ]

Harry Conick Jr. is a fatass.
[ City Rag ]

Charlie Sheen has twin boys.
[ Daily Stab ]

Mary Kate Olsen did something the other day. The event isn't important and neither
is the guy standing next to her. What is important is the fact that she looks like the
living dead. A straight up zombie. Her eyes are pale blue, her skin is jet white and
her hair looks like it went through the washer too many times. Not to mention her
anorexic frame that makes me want to puke. This is how girls take care of themselves
in Hollywood. Hell, in some circles she is reguarded as a fashion queen and is a
trendsetter. What the fuck is wrong with people. Don't get me wrong, I would still
bang her. But more of a bragging right to tell my friends I banged Mary Kate Olsen.
Not so much to have a night of pleasure.
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Lindsay Lohan is trying her best to be a good carpet mucher for her girlfriend
Samantha Ronson. But Smanatha wants some breathing room. Recently when
Lohan decided to surprise her girlfriend at a Vegas nightclub, SamRo got pissed
and took off in her car. Lohan then immediately followed suit. The only problem
was, LiLo brought a bodyguard with her, and when Lohan took off after Ronson
she left her bodyguard behind. What a bitch! The bodyguard was then seen on
the curb of the night club texting Lohan to try to get a ride back to L.A. Of
course all things are good now in paradise and SamRo and LiLo are back to their
cunt bumping ways.
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Everyone remembers Sarah Palin from the 2008 presidential election. At
least everyone from the United States remembers. Her daughter Bristol
got knocked up by her boyfriend and now they have a son named Tripp.
Maybe because they were trippin' when they conceived him. Now the
couple have split. A lot of the news sources were covering the arrest of
the fiance when his mother was arrested for possession of meth amphetemine.
This whole Alaska thing is one train wreck after another. Why the fuck would
anyone want to live in Alaska? It is the coldest and shiitiest state in the
union. This is actually good news that they split because now Bristol Palin
is back on th emarket, and she is smokin' hot.
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Mandy Moore just got married to Ryan Adams yesterday. Or a few days ago
or whatever the fuck. I do not know what the fuck is going on in Hollywood.
Why are all the hot chicks getting married? It is ridiculous. Mandy says she
likes her husband for his brain. It certainly isn't his looks. I just hope since
he has such a huge brain that he has the good common sense to make a porno
with his new bride so he can sell it when she dumps his ass for a foreign super-
model. I doubt this will happen though. I would like for it to happen. But it
is a long shot.
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A lot of people are not 100% sure what triggered the Chris Brown/ Rihanna
fight. But now we know. Chris Brown got a text message from his manager
Tina davis and in the text she talked about hooking up. According to TMZ
the text was 3 pages long. I am not sure exactly how long three pages is in
text talk, but it was pretty long to say the least. And now it is clear that it
was actually Rihanna that started the fight. Which means, in some cases,
Chris Brown could plead that he was acting in self defense. But he still
threatened to kill her and Rihanna was left much more bloody and bruised
than Chris Brown was so it looks like he was the aggressor. Seeing that
Rihanna is stupidly standing by Chris Browns side during this whole debacle
more than likely he will do no jail time. But I sure as hell hope he does go
to the clink.
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Recently Hayden Panettiere was at a red carpet event for whatever the fuck and
she got very testy with the paparazzi. After posing for a few pics a television reporter
touched her shoulder and said, " may we talk with you Hayden?" Hayden then snapped,
" don't you ever touch me!" A reporter touched her? What the hell was she thinking?
everyone knows that the only person who gets to touch Hayden Panettiere is what-
ever slut she happens to be making out with at the time. I am sure reporters around
the globe have learned their lesson from this little debacle. After the event she was
seen dining with Justin Long, because he gets tail like that. After this incident, one
things is clear, Hayden Panettiere is a cunt. But I still want to touch hers.
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Chris Brown may have been charged with two felonies but that doesn't mean he is
going to stay away from the clubs and bars. He was spotted last night at the SLS
Hotel in Beverly Hills and didn't leave until 3:45. Don't they have last call in Cali-
fornia? He spent the night sitting at the bar surrounded by bodyguards. You damn
right he was surrounded by bodyguards. His little ass doesn't stand a chance being
out and about on his own. Someone would abduct him and turn him into an anal
sex slave. I am sure this whole thing will blow over and Chris will get some nice
clink time and Rihanna will cry because she is a dumb bitch.
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Chris Brown is a suave motherfucker. Suave enough to handle things with his fists.
The L.A. police don't think he is very suave at all and actually think he's a little
bitch. I can honestly say they are not alone in this opinion. Since they think so
little of him, they are charging him with 2 felonies. The two charges are felony
assault and making criminal threats. This is in reference to him yelling " I am
gonna kill you," to Rihanna as he beat the crap out of her. A spokesperson for
the D.A. said Chris could face up to 4 years and 8 months in the clink. I just wish
Rihanna was pressing charges to make this shit stick. We will see. Go D.A.!
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Miles To Go. That is the name of her book. I wonder what douche bag had the
great idea to have a play on words book for one of the most famous people in
the world. Maybe in the book she will explain why she is an attention whore,
dresses like a slut and dates pedophiles. I want all these to happen but more
than likely she will just write about how she had more song writing credentials
than professional writers in her songs and how she likes ice cream. In the book
she also bitches about getting bullyed in the 6th grade. What bullys? What grade?
Bitch was home schooled since birth and if someone fucked with her she would
just whip out $500 and buy off her attackers. In the book she does talk about
dating Nick Jonas but doesn't go into the skankily detail of what all else occurs
in her life. Boring.
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Britney Spears is kicking off her Circus tour today. She will be traveling with
her kids and and K-Fed. Yes K-Fed will be getting rich off of this little arrange-
ment as I reported yesterday. However, Britney is apparently a little bit nervous
about performing. She shouldn't be. She has done it a million times before and
since she has been working out she is looking better now than she ever has
previously in her life. Of course her manager Larry Rudolph is full of prop-
oganda and is saying this is going to be Britney Spears best tour ever. Saying
it will be full of "spectacular-ness." Guess what dipshit? That isn't a word.
Worst case scenario, if Britney becomes too nervous she will probably pee a
little and if anything scares her she will probably shit her pants right there
on the stage. Now that is worth $500.
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A lot of people love Kevin Federline and I am one of those people. This
dude sets the bar for gold diggers around the world and he is king gold
digger in Hollywood. Later this week Britney Spears will kick off her Circus
tour and she wanted her kids to be a part of it. K-Fed said, ok they can be
a part of it, but it'll cost you. So now Britney is paying like $4,000 a week
directly to K-Fed and she also has to arrange housing for different parts of
the country. A place in L.A., N.Y. and a few other places. While Britney's
concert sales tank, K-Fed will be sittin' back gettin' rich. God I love this
guy.
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