Celebrity News

Here is Kate Moss on a beach somewhere topless and getting felt up. You know if she really needed someone to rub sand all over her bare tits she could have called me. She has my number. I met her at the place with the guy that one time. Don't TELL me she doesn't remember.

Last week (sorry I'm late) Heidi Montag called off the marriage with Spencer Pratt. She is claiming that he forced her away from her family blah,blah,blah. I don't really care about all that. I am just happy that the two biggest attention whores in the media have split. Heidi can do her Playboy spread and then she will trail off into obscurity cause these two fuckers can not get a photo op without the two of them being together. The days of Speidi are over. I am feeling I will miss the in the future.

There is this shitty show on tv called Cheaters that is riddled with white trash scum who like to cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends. To promote the next season Michelle Bombshell McGhee is going to get naked for it. I am sure they will photoshop out the genital warts and crabs but her fucked up looking tattoos will remain. I am a tattoo enthusiast and am actually getting a tattoo tomorrow and not all of Michelle's tattoos are bad but I vehimently disapprove of her "W" & "P" tattoos on her legs that signify white power. Bitch is a gutterslut and I am sure people the world over will be puking at her naked pics. She givees tattoos a bad name and people need to remember that most people with tattoos are cool like Kat Von D and not racist cunts like Michelle Bombshell McGhee.

After years of not being able to get pregnant cause she is a dried up old whore, celine dion is finally pregnant with puppies. That's right I said puppieS. Plural. she had in vitro fertalization done on her lady parts and usually with in vitro, much like Jon and Kate Gosselin, it cause multiple fetus'. I am surprised the dude in the pic got her preggers considering he should be pooping hhis pants in some nursing home somewhere. He should be happy Celine even lets his bitch ass touch her let alone have sex with her.

Happy Memorial Day everyone. I am a large support of American troops and I hope everyone who lives in this country remembers all that they have given for years to protect our freedom. If it wasn't for U.S. troops supporting freedom of speech, my blogger ass couldn't sound off on the internet every day and make an ass out of myself. Here is to you troops. May you stay safe both here and abroad.

Last week photos surfaced of Hayley Williams, the lead singer of Paramore, topless. I fucking love Paramore and every time I watch one of their music videos I think to myself "Damn! I really wanna see this chick naked" and last week I got my wish. What happened was she got her Twitter account hacked and whoever was on that computer also got a topless pic of her and TwitPic'd it. This makes me very happy. A bottomless pic would be much more appreciated of course because every knows I am an ass man but I will settle for boobies in the mean time.

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Kate Gosselin came back for last night's season finale of Dancing With The Stars and apparently no one was having a good time except for Kate Gosselin. She was being atypical diva during the show and everyone hated her for it. I seriously have no idea why she brought in so many ratings for the show cause all this bitch knows how to do is...well... be a bitch. She is also good at ignoring her children. There is still rumors floating around that she is going to have her own show again on TLC but we will see if that pans out. I really don't think TLC has an option here. Kate is a ratings queen and there could be a lot of popularity in a show based of her life. I liked Jon And Kate Plus 8 a lot but then again that was when the show was about the kids and not how many tabloid covers they could land in a month. We will see what happens.

Last Night was The Biggest Loser finale and the biggest contestant in the shows history won the whole thing. As you can see in the pic to the left, he is one big motherfucker. Or was. I was rooting for him during the entire season and though I would have liked to see Daris win, I am happy with the result. With the winnings he said he is going to buy a convertable for his mother among other things and I am very happy for him.

According to Radar David Hasselhoff was hospitalized for the fifth time in 5 years for alcohol poisoning. I know this guy likes his sauce and he even sacraficed his spot on America's Got Talent to prove it only to be replaced by probably my worst enemy in Hollywood, Howie Mandell. I am sorry but that guy is in the closet and is just begging to come out. Anyway, Hasselhoff's daughter is really suffering because she is the person who has to take care of David when he drinks too much. I have never seen his daughter but if she is hot then I can offer her a trip to my own private island where we can relax and make love all day long and not think about our stupid parents. As for David? We will have him involuntarily locked up in a nut house before our trip so there won't be any worries. Don't you love how I always seem to have a solution to every problem?

Paula Abdul wiill be coming back to tv in the form of a judge on the new dance show on CBS called Got To Dance. I am sure she will be schnockered during each filming so it may actually be kind of entertaining to watch. I will be tuning in and I hope you do to cause this thing will need as many viewers as possible for CBS to keep it cause they cut shows more often than Lorena Bobbit cuts penis'.

Oh it seems like it was just yesterday when I was writing my story about Paris Hilton being ordered to wear a SCRAM bracelet to monitor the amount of alcohol a person wearing the bracelet is or isn't putting into their system. I seriously doubt Lindsay has the will power to stay sober while wearing the bracelet and I definitely think that she doesn't have the will power to stay sober on drugs during her random drug testing. She is due back in court on July 6 but don't expect anything to change as far as the court's wishes are concerned. I watched the vid on TMZ where she was told what she had to do to stay out of jail and Lindsay looked like the constippated mess she always looks like. What happens if she doesn't comply with all of the court's wishes? 180 in the clink. I really wanna see her go and I think I will get my wish. We will see how things pan out and I will for sure keep you posted.

Oprah is a hoss heffer who thinks she is better than everyone so it is no surprise to me that she took it upon herself to ask probing questions to Twilight star Robert Pattinson and expected to get a straight answer. However, when Oprah asked him about his love life with Kristen Stewart, he said that she is pregnant. I think both of these guys are fucking losers and I could give a shit less if they decided to have puppies. If given the ultimatum, yes, I would probably bang Kristen Stewart just to say I banged her but nothing special would be about it. I haven't seen any photographs of her sporting a baby bump so I guess only time will tell. Chances are tthis drug addled bitch will get an abortion which will start another Juno-like trend where teenagers across America will get pregnant, just to abort the motherfucker. Congrats Kristen. You are a trendsetter.

Usuakly I am happy when a celebrity I like gets pregnant but this news comes just months after a No Doubt reunion and I really wanna hear some new music from them. Of course this news isn't 110% sure as Stefani has not made an announcement but I am pretty sure it is possible. When Gwen wants to stop making babies and wants to start shaking heer amazing ass on stage again call me. In the meantime I am going to watch archival vids.

Lady GaGa is getting edgier everyday and I would very much so like to see her naked. She did a video for her Telephone song and in it she shows off her pussy between the jail cell bars but it was censored and I have still yet to get ahold of an uncensored version. Now she was photographed the other night in see though underwear and the prudes over at Us Weekly decided to not show us the goods. That leaves me with only one option left and that is to meet and have sex with Lady GaGa in the flesh. This won't be easy but I am guessing she is. I will let you know how it goes.

LeBron James is one lucky motherfucker. It is being reported that Scores stripclub in NYC is offering LeBron free lap dances,free food and a LeBron James day at their club if he takes the deal to play for their cities team. Being the pervert that I am, I would take that deal in a split second but most athletees have a set of morals they live by and he would probably look at going to a strip club as a bad thing. I hate athletes.

I have a lot of respect for Maxim magazine's Hot 100 list because they take pretty much the hottest chicks in the world and put them in order due to hotness. Katy Perry is topping the list this year which I don't totally agree with but I would still totally tap that ass. Congrats Katy. Now show us your tits.

When I heard the news that Jaiime Preessly got a boob job I thought " Oh great. Another celebrity with back problems" andd then I found out that she got enhancements. Nothing could make me happier. Now that she has a bigger and better pair of killers tits maybe she will show them off in Playboy again. Anything to get the burning image of Heidi Montag showing off her monsters with the magazine's pages. Thank you Jaime. You fucking rock!

I am not on the super trendy bandwagon of viewers who are in love with the show Glee but a lot of people like it and apparently this Heather Morris chick is on the show and now she is naked. I really wish the camera was on the other side of her but I will settle for this. Maybe this chick will come to her sense and do a Playboy photo shoot so we can get a good, square view of her tits. That is what I would do in her situation.

I do not know why Kendra Wilkinson is playing this "little miss innocent" card all of a sudden but she certainly seems to be playing the victim of the leaking of a sex tape of hers. I am not sure who is actually having sex with her in the tape but ever since she became a mom she doesn't want to be in the media spotlight anymore. It was obtained by Vivid Entertainment and once some of the still shots of it leak, or downloads to the tape itself, I will post them here. One thing for sure, I can not wait for a vid of her getting freaky.

Lindsay Lohan showed up.

It seems that Lindsay Lohan's legal troubles are not going anywhere and I am going to make a prediction right now that by the end of the month the bitch will be sentenced to jail. Seeing as that Paris Hilton is her lifelong idol, this is a good thing for her. Of course Dina Lohan is in town to make sure Lindsay doesn't do anything crazy but I am not sure her mother is the most positive influence on her daughter. They were out until early this AM partying before the deposition and more than likely LiLo showed up to court either drunk or hung over. LiLo is SERIOUSLY getting old and I wish she was not a paparazzi target anymore. I guess I will get my wish when this bitch goes to the clink.

It seems that the star of Fox's Bones had an affair with a woman that was very much so not his wife. Why? Cause she was pregnant. He didn't come out and say as much but it is implied that pregnant pussy isn't nearly as good as virgin pussy. Also, the chick he cheated with is none other than the Tiger Woods mistress Rachel Uchitel. This chick really knows how to get around. But she is pretty hot so I could see why a guy would wanna ditch the ball and chain at home and go get laid by someone who has a little spunk.

So close!

Ashley Tisdale was out and about with her boyfriend or some dude who looks like her boyfriend yesterday and they were just doing what Disney stars like to do: eat ice cream. This chick can dye her hair any color and wear the biggest, ugliest cowboy boots in the world and she is still a 24k piece of ass. I really wish I was the one holding her hand but in the meantime I will just oggle over this pic.

Some British Actor chick died today. Her name was Lynn Redgrave and even though I can not name a single movie she has been in, I thought I should pay my respects. It is a big blow to the family because Lynn's niece Natasha Richardson died not too long ago. RIP. Much love and prayers.